Below is a verbatim excerpt from my journal today

Below is a verbatim excerpt from my journal today.
It is super choppy, and kind of rough and i didn’t edit it at all because i desire to share that sometimes, this is what deliberate reality creation looks like.
A little bit of a mess.
But it always circles back around to clarity, and ease, and flow and yes.
I hope you find some clarity in this, and if not, i hope you just enjoy it. <3 ____________________ I must admit sometimes when i don’t know what to write about, i result to writing about metaphysics or reality creation-- which i LOVE and always do naturally talk about in the pursuit of sharing who i am but when i feel stuck, it’s always something sort of distant from myself as an identity, and more just… general. Because for some reason some days it seems easier to pull words out of thin air and string them together to make a nice pretty easily digestible concept, or blip of information, than it does to deep dive into who i am, turn myself inside out, and illustrate my stories with words. I can spend days upon days upon days writing “copy” or “informational” shit about how you create your reality-- it’s EASY. And i know that poetry, that stories from my own life can be easy too--in fact, they should probably be easier because in truth they are just me. (well, everything is just me in truth) They are just my stories. And the fact that i am making them seem harder to write is also just a story, easily untold by simply telling a new story. But when i sat down to write just now, the only thing that would come out of my fingers was some bullshit about stories. Not the pretty poetic stories i often write about-- my experiences and my remembrances and the magic seeping from the doorways of my heart. It was about stories as in beliefs, as in focus. The information wasn’t bullshit, but the way i was writing it was. It wasn’t from the heart, it wasn’t deep and raw and real, but it was the closest thing i could get to actually move across the screen to what i’m ACTUALLY experiencing now which is that i have a story telling me i don’t know what to write or that i have nothing to write. I always feel called to share the ways i turn my stories--my internal dialogue around, and translate them into beautiful works of art. But sometimes, i must admit, i judge myself for the viscosity of my heart and mind. Thinking to myself on occasion, is this too real? Is this too human? Should i be sticking to the light, the airy, the easy breezy, rather than hanging my hearts laundry out to dry every day. I make up stories about how everyone in my communities just talk about “feeling good” which is great, amazing, a total YES, but also? Not always the entire story. I don’t mean that turning your heart inside out is a dark task, nor does it make you feel bad-- nor SHOULD it make you feel bad, nor is being HUMAN a dark or heavy thing, but sometimes i worry that my words will be interpreted in a way that is much darker than i intend for them to be, when the ultimate point of everything i post is to be real, and oh-so-deliciously-human and let everyone know that even when you are so starkly human, you can still have everything you want, and that the human experience, the human process, is stunning. I think sometimes, maybe i should just do live streams, and create products, and write about the concepts and teach how to create your reality point blank. But i desire more. I desire to tell stories, and share my experience, and YES monetize my life, which means-- i have to be who i am in each moment. I have to tell what i am experiencing in each moment. I have to get nitty gritty--something i’ve barely scratched the surface of, and let people see ME bare, vulnerable, real, and beautiful. Luckily i know the truth The truth spans galaxies The truth is that everything and anything is available to me exactly as i am The truth sees me being me Raw Real Vulnerable Human And says Yes, You got it. We love you. Keep being you. And all is well. Enjoy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *